Life keeps bugging me!

Yes I was on my way to Blore which is when life bugged me again. I was lonely expecting no one. But I met a gal. She was beautiful but I felt really different. honestly really different. I felt something odd. Wanted to talk to her. But couldnt get hold of her.

Reached Blore. Saw almost all of my relatives. But I had a feeling that I still miss her. Waited all of Sunday for the feeling to go away. Felt better on Monday and shit I met her again.

She was on a pink dress and wow she looked so beautiful. But I saw her eyes and realised she is missing something. She is definately feeling lonely and I understood that. I spoke to her asked her about her details. Reached chennai and asked her emailid too. But no use! I have communicated her but no response still.

guess she doesnt like me. After all love is a two sided affair. Guess she didnt feel the way I felt for her. Hmm hope god makes me forget her soon. Goooddd enough of ur plays. I am sick of these. Let me live my life peacefully and happily :)

I Miss her

Sometimes I think I am really stupid missing her. I know she is married and there is no point in thinking about her. God damn it! Why did u make me so dull. I am in such a brink of a situation dat i seriously have nothing to think except my career. Let me win some day!

Life Just Goes On!

Well, today i feel really sad. Its not new for me to feel sad though. I have been feeling this way a lot. Recently fortunately or unfortunately sadness is the only thing which keeps coming up with me. I feel no body likes me or atleast the people whom I love the most dont like me. Why did god make me like this? Well yeah I know I am becoming an athiest now days. Belief in him is simply vanishing.

So I sit here writing down what I wanna be and what I am now. Well I wanna be a normal guy but I am not. Why? God only knows!! I miss my frnds and I feel they simply vanishing. I feel I am lonely. Loneliness and only that.

I have set a goal. Hope I reach it somehow.

May God Bless Me!!

The Day I saw death

Well so saturday morning, its 6: 30 AM. Hmm got to get up in another 20 minutes as I have to get ready for her. Well I dont want to. I wanna sleep and I wanna sleep hard. So my body was wanting a good sleep but my mind wanted her! My body won finally and I woke up by 9am. So it was just a normal morning with a normal sun, well i missed the extra ordinary moon which I see every morning

So my computer was wanting me and I started chatting with chat frnds. I chat a lot because I am a chatter box. So it was 2 pm and my frnd was waiting for me in the theatre. So we both watched a movie and also some of the gals in the theatre. So i came back at 6 pm and it was fun. My day was almost over and I came back to my house and had a early dinner by 7

Then my frnd called me up and wanted me to accompany him to another movie. Well my Mom said "No" but i wanted to go as I wanted fun. Before getting into the car all of us were drunk and I felt bad about drinking as I promised my mom that I would never drink. But promises are meant to be broken but I love my mom so much that I felt bad about it.

So I was sitting in the first row of the car and other behind. The car drive was okay. One of my frnds was talking to his wife and it irritated us as we couldnt play songs and we wanted some good music rather than his dumb voice. So we started shouting and my frnd apologised to his wife saying that we were too drunk and that she shouldnt mind wat a drunker says. Well this agigated my frnd who was a driver at that time and he wanted to prove to him that he drive well when he is drunk

So he shook his car a bit and wanted to bring back the car to control. But he was too drunk to bring it back to normal and the car lost all the control. So it shook,shook too hard and it hit the divider so hard. My god, it was as if I was in a video game. My body was turning a lot and all I thought about was god. God! save me was the thought in my mind.

Luckily for us there was no vehicle behind or in front of us. So the impact was just on the divider. I wasnt hurt but the front of the car was damaged too. God saved my life today and I was short of belief that I am still alive. I came out of the car and read the caption god is great in back of the car. Yeah he is. I still cant believe that I am alive. Two eventful days. Lets see how the sunday goes tomorrow

Hope this Moment Never Changes

I was in my tennis court today, peeping at the door every minute. There is some odd feeling in me. Yeah, I was expecting her, every second, every minute. But she doesn't seem to turn up today and all I had was my coach's hard look. He kept hitting ball hard at me. He knew there was something distracting me but he didnt want to talk about that to me

So Game On Buddy! Oops I am hitting sixes in tennis court! whats happening? Well neither my mind nor my hand is in control now. All I want is her, to bring me back to normal. Suddenly something odd made me look at the gate again and I found someone tapping my shoulder. Hey! its her. She came from the backdoor. Wow! She looked so beautiful today. Her smile was so poetic. Wish I could see her all my life and her smile too.

She was expecting other coach to come and play with her. God u r so rude. My prayers were to play with her and now u r making her play with someone else. Hmmm, this is how life is. God! thusi great ho! The coach was busy with a small kid and my coach(I owe him a lot for this!!) asked her to play with me as he was busy as well. God u are really really great!

So first time in my life I had got what I wanted. Yeah! I wanted to play with her not just in tennis court but also with her life! But happily atleast i had a beginning now. So she took a ball in her hand and with her usual feminine gesture she asked my name. I with a manly tone said "Guru". Wow! I love my name. Its so rocking. I asked her name, twice, thrice four time but there was no reply. Probably my voice is too low and too shy. She never replied for a long time and then finally came the reply. Her name was " "

Nice name. So we started playing tennis and my mind, my body, my soul everything on tennis now. Wanted to prove my might in tennis and it was game on! Every ball i hit bounced at least 6 feet. Well my height is 6 feet 3 inches and the ball is bound to bounce at least 6 feet due to the trajectory. She wasnt comfortable at all as she wasnt as tall as I am. She had to jump in air to meet the ball and it was funny watching her that way.

So I didnt want to bother her lot and I reduced my ball speed so that she is comfortable. Now she started hitting the ball hard and I started losing. The smile in her face returned and it was awesome watching her that way. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed losing and every point after that was won by her. Yes I loved losing because I guess loved her.

Well the game was good thy untill another frnd of hers came into the bloody picture. She is utter waste lady. She plays tennis like shettle and my future ex-wife was teaching her how to play tennis. I was so irritated and I wanted to play with her again. But she had only 5 minutes left for the day and she started playing with me again. Those 5 minutes was the moment I thought should never change.

The game was over finally and I thought I need to talk to her. So she was sitting outside the court packing up things and I came near her and said "Hi". Then she starting asking me about my job, and there was nothing great in my profession as in India every street virtually has a software engineer.

On my conversation I though found that she is a really humble and nice person. She was a HR in big company and HR usually have very good communication skills. Atleast I know a bit about her. Hope to play her tomorrow

Womanism More Alchoholic than Alchohal

Hmmm.. Well its always been a puzzle for me and infact for lot of people like me.. The very logic behind womanism.. Honestly I dont remember the scientist who found the theory "opposite poles attract each other" but for sure he must have found it when he had womanism.. Just kidding.. I am not here to talk about love or any perverted thing but to self realise how crucial womanism is for a guy..

My personal experience tells me that its alchoholic.. I would be lieing to u if I tell u that I hate womanism.. Its something which has made me really happy at times but I did realise it sometime had the potential to virtually destory me.. Womanism is an attribute which u could perhaps feel on anyone.. The love towards my mom made me first realise the addiction towards the very gender.. Its odd feeling to understand that I am more comfortable with my mom than my dad.. This holds good for most of the guys.. But is womanism so important to succedd at all? I tried thinking of few personalities to find answers for my question..

The first person who struck in my mind was (U r right) Mr. Abdul Kalam. Then our ex PM Vajpaiyee(Sorry if I didnt spell his name correctly). Hmm greats indeed but many greats were married too.. Does success and woman have a correlation? I would say yes.. My personal experience tells me that we do spend lot of time to make her feel happy. Hmm honeslty a very nice thing to do if u r idle and jobless .. he he.. But now i feel its a useless thing bcos I understand nowdays that time is so damn precious.. To everytime waste hours on buying gifts, taking her to latest movies, spending my time on phone, I realise now that I indeed wasted lotz of time.. The most funny thing I would recollect during those days was to write poems.. I used to spend hours on writing real nice poems, browsing and referring lot of books.. Honestly if I had spend that time on my engineering subjects, who knows I would have created my own Electromagnetic theory.. very funny very funny

So my personal experience tells me that its waste of time.. But it has also been a booster for me.. It helped clear my three arrears.. I was so damn motivated when I started talking to her and I had a feeling that no gal would like a guy who has arrears.. I understand its really funny to think that way but somehow it made me clear my papers.. Hmm sometimes though when I used have a fight especially during exams, I used to be in complete mood off and never used to touch my books.. Then the very next morning my prayers used to be immense which includes fasting, 108 rounds around the temple etc etc.. God knows how I used to clear my papers and only the God how she used to get 80 % everytime.. Gals are alwayz KD makkans :D

She is no longer with me now but her memories are still fresh in my mind.. Plz dont term me as a devadoss as its human to remember the best things happened in one's life and truly the best part of my life was with her.. The real booster nowdays is another woman who is my mom.. Well I understood her importance during my tough times and the only booster of my life is ma mom's smile.. My mom has always got attraction towards jewels, driving car and ofcourse speaking english.. All I work for is for these three things and she is all I need right now..

So womanism is indeed important for success.. Its addictive or I would term it as Alchoholic.. So next time u meet a guy who keeps trembling about broken relationship all u need to tell him is that u would always have a woman in any form to bring joy in ur life again.. The lady love can be ur mom, sis or anyone but maha janagalle womanism is indeed route to success..

Life Beyond Imagination

Well I was truly pissed off from a long week of work and everything around me looked so frustrating and annoying. I was in Mylapore station and was waiting for the train. There came my train and all I needed was a window seat so that I can have some fresh air. The train was relatively free and I somehow found a window seat.

I found a woman sitting opposite to me and I didn't give a hard look at her. But something made me think unusual about her and I gave in a good look. Then I realised she was a cross dresser(Neither a man or a woman) . Honestly i felt uneasy about her presence and wanted to sit in some other place. Finding me uneasy, her face shrunk down massively. That's the time I hated my behaviour and I knew I had hurt ed someone for no reason. So I wanted to just say a hi and bring her back to normal.

I started with a "hello" and she replied back. So I asked her what does she do and she replied that she works for a Marketing firm. She looked posh in her dressing and in her accent. Then on enquiring about her parents she said tat her parents left her when she was 14 years old. OMG ! I couldn't think myself in her situation and I was more curious to know how she became big in life. Her story which I heard then was so painful and so heart breaking.Being left alone at 14 years, all she had was 5,000 rupees in her hand and she came to a big city like Chennai. All she could find is insult and pain. She then somehow joined a christian missionary and became big!!

Well there are few things I noted in her and found these things really interesting. Firstly, she didn't want anyone to sympathise on her. Hmm for her its so special to be normal and to be respected as a fellow human being is so important. Secondly, i felt from her that u can't win till u fight. These two things were running around my mind.

Some 30 days went off and I was in a religious mutt for performing Satya Narayana Pooja. That is when I reliased that the words "I wanted to treated as a normal human being" is so true. I had a friend of mine accompanying me. He was never allowed to have his lunch there just because he was not a Brahman. Hmm, I really felt hurt ed for my friend. Well sometimes I hate the society I live in for the discrimination it has. Why don't people understand that we don't have any right to hurt others. May God give them the basic human courtesy of respecting people

---Hari Om